I know the plans I Have for you...

Recently there have been some decisions that have been weighing on my heart, and I have been struggling with how to deal with them. 

I wanted to move back to Provo, and go to night school at BYU, but upon some deep consideration I have decided that right now that isn't where the Lord wants me to be.

What the Heck!!! 

I feel like every time I choose something that I want to do, the lord puts an obstacle in my way and then I have to change my course and start all over.

I have decided that I am going to pursue a career in cosmetology, at least for the time being. This means that I have to go back to school for a 10 week refresher course tuesday through friday, from 8am to 4pm.. 

This I know is going to be a challenge for me, waking up at 5:30 every morning to catch the sprinter to Oceanside. 

When we are given a task, one must put their whole focus on completing that task. 

I know the plans that I have for you, declares the LORD. They are plans for peace and not disaster, plans to give you a future filled with hope. 

This verse is going to be my mantra for the next few months, as I go back to school and focus on my new career path. 

I know that the Lord wants me to be happy and succeed at whatever I do. This gives me great comfort. 

Whats new with me..

These past few months have passed in a blur...
I have been given a few trials and have learned a lot about myself.
One of the trials I have had to face was the surprising diagnosis of Bi-Polar Disorder, which I was diagnosed with in June.
I have had to lean on my Heavenly Father and learn new things about myself.
Being diagnosed has changed my perspective on a lot of things..
First: I know that I am a Child of God, and He loves me no matter what.
Second: I have come to realize that Family is forever and they will nurture and care for me always.
Third: I am so grateful that I can function and live a normal life.
This trial came as a shock and surprise to me and my family, but I know that Heavenly Father never gives us anything that we cant handle, and if we rely on Him we can get through everything.
I am so thankful for my family and close friends that have supported me these past few months, I dont know what I would have done with out them.
I saw this Quote on a friends pinterest wall, and it fits my current situation so well I wanted to share it with all of you.

Love this.

Come what May, and Love it?

COME WHAT MAY... AND LOVE IT??

This week has been such a blur. First of all I have been receiving news of one bad thing after another. On Sunday a good friend of mine told me that his mom is going to pass away in the near future of cancer. She has had it on and off for about 5 years now, and has decided that she doesn't want to fight anymore. This came to me as such a shock and surprise. It hit me like a ton of bricks, and as much as I wanted to be there for him and give him all the answers, I couldn't. We were on a walk and I just cried like a baby the whole time. I told him a few things, things that I have learned over the past 9 years since my dad has passed. But, I know that no matter what I say or do, it isn't enough. My friend Jenny mentioned to me that I am a feeling/caring person, which means I guess, that I feel everything so deeply and I care about everyone around me so much. She told me that even though I don't even know this woman, I have shed many tears for her and her family.

Also, today I woke up and got on bookface, and realized that another one of my friends moms passed away, a year ago today. I wrote both her and her sister a little message of encouragement, one that was given to me a few years back, and I felt a little less sad.

Death is a big part of life, and as sucky as it is, we all go through it at one point or another. If I had my way, I am not sure if I would take it away. With death, comes new life and also comes the realization that we are always progressing on to a better future. I think it also makes us think about ourselves and how we are living our lives and what we can do to make them better in any way. Difficult times have helped me to understand better then before, how infinitely big and beautiful life is in every way, if you look close enough to the world around you, you might find someone like you. someone trying to find their way. someone trying to find their self. sometimes it seems like you are the only one in the world who's struggling, who's frustrated. unsatisfied, barely getting by. but that feeling's a lie. and if you just hold on, just find the course to face it all for another day, someone or something will find you and make it all okay. because, we all need a little help sometimes. we need someone to remind us that it won't always be this way. that someone is out there. and that someone will find you. This is so true, and i am going to try and hold on. I know that it will never get better, but if i tackle it one day at a time, with small goals i can achieve anything. As February 22nd approaches, i will reflect back on the 9 years that have passed, and look fondly into the future to see what it brings.

Come what may and Love it. That's my new slogan.