This week has been such a blur. First of all I have been receiving news of one bad thing after another. On Sunday a good friend of mine told me that his mom is going to pass away in the near future of cancer. She has had it on and off for about 5 years now, and has decided that she doesn't want to fight anymore. This came to me as such a shock and surprise. It hit me like a ton of bricks, and as much as I wanted to be there for him and give him all the answers, I couldn't. We were on a walk and I just cried like a baby the whole time. I told him a few things, things that I have learned over the past 9 years since my dad has passed. But, I know that no matter what I say or do, it isn't enough. My friend Jenny mentioned to me that I am a feeling/caring person, which means I guess, that I feel everything so deeply and I care about everyone around me so much. She told me that even though I don't even know this woman, I have shed many tears for her and her family.
Also, today I woke up and got on bookface, and realized that another one of my friends moms passed away, a year ago today. I wrote both her and her sister a little message of encouragement, one that was given to me a few years back, and I felt a little less sad.
Death is a big part of life, and as sucky as it is, we all go through it at one point or another. If I had my way, I am not sure if I would take it away. With death, comes new life and also comes the realization that we are always progressing on to a better future. I think it also makes us think about ourselves and how we are living our lives and what we can do to make them better in any way. Difficult times have helped me to understand better then before, how infinitely big and beautiful life is in every way, if you look close enough to the world around you, you might find someone like you. someone trying to find their way. someone trying to find their self. sometimes it seems like you are the only one in the world who's struggling, who's frustrated. unsatisfied, barely getting by. but that feeling's a lie. and if you just hold on, just find the course to face it all for another day, someone or something will find you and make it all okay. because, we all need a little help sometimes. we need someone to remind us that it won't always be this way. that someone is out there. and that someone will find you. This is so true, and i am going to try and hold on. I know that it will never get better, but if i tackle it one day at a time, with small goals i can achieve anything. As February 22nd approaches, i will reflect back on the 9 years that have passed, and look fondly into the future to see what it brings.
Come what may and Love it. That's my new slogan.
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